The Problems of Identity

Identity.

As we are getting closer to having a new computer I've been thinking more about my little blog here. Still am not sure it will ever be more than my online journal, but even if that's all it is I want it to have its own identity. Who I am. What I believe. What I value. What I like. What I dislike. These are the statements of identity we struggle with at 13 and 30. These are the questions that make us answer with our name when someone asks us who we are- because our names are such nice superficial things that keep the conversation away from any deeper part of us until we can gauge if we're talking to friend or foe.

A blog has an identity of its own, wrapped up in who the author is and what the blog is about. As the author of this little blog I find myself struggling with my online identity and what I want this blog to really be. My husband doesn't mind my posting here but doesn't want me to tell our friends that I am doing so...or at least doesn't want me to tell them the link! So out of respect for his wishes I feel compelled to keep my real name/location under wraps.

Yet that brings a whole layer to the issue of identity- what do you call yourself when you can't use your own name? Online it's worse: when I comment on a post, what name do I use?

I've been trying out different names and have settled on the name "Anne" for my first name. But what about a last name! Do I even need one? I also comment as "Freedom Journey" because I feel like I am on a day by day journey to financial freedom...and because the themes of freedom are important to me in heart/soul/life matters as well. I just joined twitter with the handle "Freedom_Journey" yet even that was a wrenching decision. I want to set forth my online identity for the long haul without being blown and tossed by every whim of fancy my mind brings forth.

Confused blogging identity is also tied up in my new roles as a mother and housewife.  I'm currently making a bit of money on the side helping train my "real  world job" replacement. I may not want to be there anymore but I know what I'm supposed to do there and how to do it. At home there is a smell coming from my fridge, laundry that's been drying on the line (in 90 degree heat) for two days, and the thought that I haven't bathed the child or vacuumed the floors for a while.

All of this to say that I'm having some identity challenges these days. We all have them from time to time and I find some comfort in that but still it feels uncomfortable. Change, for the good or bad, is uncomfortable and a change in identity is no different. I'm hoping that in the coming months this little blog and my household will begin to hum along with a pattern that speaks to all who see: I know who I am and what I wish to say.